Bar 7, The World Is A Freak

During Tesla’s break in the late 1990s, singer Jeff Keith and co-lead guitarist Tommy Skeoch’s side project Bar 7 might have received more attention if it weren’t for its album’s lame-ass cover.

The music sounded like a slightly stripped-down version of Tesla. Not bad overall, and a few tracks sounded really good.

But when it came to the artwork, what were they thinking?

First, the color is bad for anything except a Science Channel documentary about stars. Second, the girl on the cover looks nothing like the typical Tesla fan—or anyone the typical Tesla fan would look AT. Third, the lettering eerily resembles a cut-and-pasted ransom note.

It sucks that you can’t get this album on iTunes. At least there, you’d only have to hear it and not see it.

Journey-Departure

When the artist drew this up they likely should have put a sticker on it that read "please use before December 31, 1979". Unfortunately that sticker wasn't present and this album was released in March of 1980. Okay, that's barely into the next decade yet the multi-color border on this album manages to make my head spin as well as scream "make me into a tacky, sparkly iron-on transfer for your all too tight t-shirt". I guess the border does serve a purpose as it will allow one to line-up the bottom of the drink to ensure that they set it exactly on the middle of the case should they decide to use this as a coaster as it's not one of Journey's best albums.

Mentors - Up the Dose

A prime example of Cro-Magnon misogyny at its best from trash punkers the Mentors. The late El Duce and his jizz-shooting sex-o-cutioners didn't exactly leave behind a literate legacy, considering most of their fartheaded songs were about defecation, pissing, blowing loads, donkey punching and wishful raping of chicks with their donned grand wizard hoods to preserve their sicko anonymities. However, they did have a niche, and not just because they were 2/3 fat men hiding behind cowls and appealing to the lowest common denominator with songs like "Service Me Or Be Smacked," "On the Rag" and "Secretary Hump." Stupid as they were, there was something nervously funny and occasionally rocking about the Mentors, so much if you had a soul at all, you looked down upon yourself for actually liking them.

I remember during the PMRC hubbub thinking, "Tipper, you clueless twit, if you're going to indict John Denver over 'Rocky Mountain High' you honestly don't have a clue, not when you're obtuse to a band like the Mentors who are your truest nightmare!" Of course, Tipper at least stayed married to a man who won a Nobel Peace Prize and she hypocritcally jammed with the offspring of one of her condemned (being Frank Zappa), while the El Duce went to the grave growling stupidly about golden showers. Undoubtedly he and GG Allin are eating shitcakes together in the fucked-up closet room of the afterlife.

Amazing to say, but this album's fetching around $38-45.00 in the CD import market right now. Hell, You Axed For It is actually grabbing $70.00! That's at least three handjobs in the same dirty alley the Mentors oozed out of...

M83 - Saturdays = Youth

Dear Mr. Vernon, we accept the fact that we had to sacrifice a whole Saturday in detention for whatever it was we did wrong. But we think you're crazy to make us write an essay telling you who we think we are. You see us as you want to see us... In the simplest terms, in the most convenient definitions. But what we found out is that each one of us is a Hot Topic customer...
... and another Hot Topic customer...
... and a kid from the suburbs who buys his obscure punk t-shirts at Hot Topic...
... and a princess...
... and a tramp...
... and a member of Dexy's Midnight Runners...
... and a furry...
... and a serial killer...
Does that answer your question? Sincerely yours, the club of teenagers who pose for pictures that look like a Benetton ad would look if the company had been founded by David Duke.